


Trace Decay

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Ironstrange Bingo 2020 Collection (Round 2) [24]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, IronStrange Bingo 2020, Love, M/M, Physical Disability, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, it doesn't fix everything but it helps a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:49:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: "I'm glad you're here," he confessed right before pressing his face against the back of Tony's head. His hair was soft, completely free of the usual gel, and Stephen loved the feel of it. "You're not in far too many timelines I saw."(Learning to live with the consequences.)
Relationships: Tony Stark/Stephen Strange
Series: Ironstrange Bingo 2020 Collection (Round 2) [24]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636018
Comments: 10
Kudos: 94
Collections: IronStrange Bingo 2020





	Trace Decay

**Author's Note:**

> **Trace Decay:** Forgetting or disremembering is the apparent loss or modification of information already encoded and stored in an individual's short or long-term memory. It is a spontaneous or gradual process in which old memories are unable to be recalled from memory storage.  
> (Definition taken from Wikipedia; title from a Westworld episode.)
> 
> @ironstrangebingo prompt: _Flames_

"Bad dreams?" Stephen asked softly, half-afraid of disturbing whatever fragile peace Tony might have found with himself after fleeing their bed in terror an hour or so ago.

A short look and Tony turned back towards the window front facing the lake and took a sip of his coffee. It was too early for either coffee or contemplative staring; dawn hadn't even start to break. Fuck, this was a bad one.

"Flames," he said simply.

Oh. Fuck. Stephen had hoped for something else, since Tony didn't lack fodder for nightmares. But that one? Was the worst and tended to linger for days afterwards, fractured memories making him disoriented and snappy, annoyed at himself and everything else.

Instead of useless words Stephen offered the kind of reassurance Tony truly craved and Stephen could barely give - touch.

He put his hand - useless, shaking and devoid of most of sensation as usual - on Tony's shoulder and delighted in what little he could feel of the warm skin beneath his fingertips. As much as he hated the landscape of scars Tony's shoulder and right arm had become it was a texture he could actually _feel_.

As always, Tony almost immediately relaxed a bit and leaned into the light touch. In return, Stephen stepped up behind him and wrapped his left arm around Tony's waist.

"How much does it hurt?" He kept his voice low, already dreading the answer, but he needed to know.

Deafening silence was the answer.

Stephen carefully let his fingers wander down then scarred ruin of Tony's arm. It had taken a miracle or two and medical technology so advanced that even Stephen could barely believe it, but Tony's arm had not only been saved but even was almost functional. More functional than Stephen's hands, to be honest. He tightened his hold and wrapped his fingers loosely around Tony's wrist, decorated with a nanite-bracelet for pain-management and stability of damaged nerves. Tech that didn't work on old injuries like Stephen's but brought a lot of relief to more recent sufferers of heavy trauma.

"I'm glad you're here," he confessed right before pressing his face against the back of Tony's head. His hair was soft, completely free of the usual gel, and Stephen loved the feel of it. "You're not in far too many timelines I saw."

A sharp, bitter laugh but Tony did not only stay in his embrace but also settled his left hand on top of Stephen's. "Is this right here, right now truly one of the good timelines?" he asked hollowly. "Both of us in constant pain, wracked by guilt and nightmares - please, tell me that there are better ones."

Stephen tightened his hold and didn't even try to hold back the tears. "If there are, I haven't found them," he confessed. "From my perspective this one right here and now is pretty much perfect."

No answer, not that Stephen had expected one. Tony had become quieter since wielding six Infinity Stones and his very close brush with death. Not beaten, not broken, never that, but more introspective.

"Your head must be even more filled with nightmare scenarios than mine," he eventually said and this time it was Stephen's turn to stay silent. "No answer is also an answer, Stephen." He turned around to look at Stephen for the first time. "How can you endure it?"

Stephen just shrugged. "Stubbornness?" he guessed. "The fact that I've left any resemblance of sanity behind a long time ago?" He knew the flames Tony spoke of very well, although in a slightly different context. Instead of his arm it was his mind that got engulfed in them occasionally. His memory was ground zero and keeping actual nightmares and memories from other timelines apart was something he'd given up on a while ago.

That, at least, made Tony smile. "Maybe." The smile stayed and became softer. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

Dead. Stephen knew that with absolute certainty and it was the only thing that made seeing Tony suffer through chronic pain and nightmares bearable. There was still so much life left in and for Tony - he was an unstoppable force of nature who would rise even above this latest setback. He hadn't seen that far into the future but Stephen _knew_ it nonetheless.

"Hey, Earth to Strange, anybody home in there?" Tony gently tapped Stephen's forehead. "Don't check out on me now, sweetheart. I'm not yet finished with you."

The words filled Stephen with a warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. One that had nothing to do with flames. "That sounds like you have plans for me."

"With you, actually." Tony winced when he moved wrong and aggravated his damaged shoulder even more. "It feels like I'm burned alive right now," he confessed in a whisper; the first time he'd ever actually said a word about his pain. "I can ignore it most of the time but sometimes..."

"It flares up and it's all you can think about." Stephen resisted the urge to look at his hands. "I know."

Tony didn't hear him. "I should be used to constant pain. It's not like it's something new for me."

"You haven't been poisoned by radiation before." He tried to be helpful, he really did, but while he was a damn good doctor, and could charm off the pants of pretty much everyone he wanted, his bedside manner had always sucked.

His nickname hadn't been 'Dr. House' back in the day without reason.

At least that got him a genuine laugh before Tony leaned him to kiss him. "I'm so glad I have you to bring me back down to the ground before I get lost in my own depression. Always telling me the brutal truth, if I want to hear it or not. Never change, sweetheart."

"It's way too late for that, I think." Stephen smiled. "I've been hopeless since long before we two met."

Tony's answering smile died at that. "Not hopeless," he corrected gently, slowly tracing the scar that marred Stephen's left cheek just under his eye with his left hand. Stephen leaned into the caress out of instinct and closed his eyes. "You're the most hopeful person I've ever met. You just tend to hide it very, very well. Even from yourself. Nobody else would have gambled half the universe on such a faint hope. On me. You did. Don't start to believe your own PR, sweetheart, you're so much better than that."

Damn Tony and his unique talent to make him melt with words alone. He shivered as the caress continued over his nose, the right side of his face and down to his throat. He swallowed against the gentle pressure. He'd come out here to comfort Tony but somehow the tables had turned and he was too weak to protest against it.

"Shh, baby, relax. It's okay. I'm here. Thanks to you."

Almost against he will he followed the command and relaxed into Tony's caress with a sigh. A moment later he felt Tony slowly put his left arm around him to draw him into a full embrace. In turn, he loosely crossed his arms behind Tony's back to complete it.

"The perfect timeline, huh?" Tony whispered almost directly into his ear and Stephen shivered. "Can't confirm and can't deny that but I must confess that it's a pretty good one, all things considered. Thanks for reminding me."

_I love you. I'm sorry for everything. I'm glad you see it that way. I love you._

So many words fought for their chance to be spoken out loud but Stephen was too overcome by conflicting emotions and too exhausted to verbally answer. Holding on and being held in return was the only important thing right now anyway.

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Oh, seemed that the first one had won without him noticing. Stephen smiled and pressed his face in the spot between Tony's shoulder and neck and seemed to be made especially for him, content to just stay here and not watch dawn break.

Tony was having none of that, though. "Come on, back to bed with us. You're swaying from exhaustion and I can probably use a couple of hours more too."

Stephen was too tired to protest and let himself be led back and arranged carefully on his left side so that Tony could cuddle up from behind without putting any strain on his bad arm. Their classic position because Tony needed more range of movement to be comfortable than Stephen who happily curled up in whatever position seemed comfortable at any given time.

"There are still good things waiting for you," Stephen declared, already half asleep. "I can promise you that." He refused to believe anything else.

"You're already here," Tony gave back, sounding just as tired.

Stephen almost teared up at that but exhaustion won and he feel asleep with a very soft "doesn't get better than that" in his ear and a smile on his face.

**Author's Note:**

> They might not be in a perfect happy timeline here but they are alive and together and sometimes - rather often, actually - that's what really counts. Right? Thank you so much for reading! One more story and this bingo will be done.


End file.
